In RH14 I take a critical look at the cult of the authentic self from an intra-relational lens.
In a longer than usual VN, I delve into the pervasive concept of the authentic self, challenging the notion that we must strive to find or become a fixed, pre-defined version of ourselves. Instead, I propose that we are dynamic beings constantly in a state of becoming, shaped by core values and present needs, expressing ourselves differently across time and situations.
I explore the idea of an authentic self as a constricting phantasy promoted by a control-oriented society to encourage self-policing and discourages the acceptance of our own inconsistencies. Intra-relationality cannot be developed without radical self-acceptance, embracing our ever-changing complexities.
The difficult thing is to choose our complex self, instead of worshiping the myth of an authentic self, choosing to take up the dynamic self over the pursuit of a rigid personality that curtails the boundary of self expression.
To accompany the VN are exercises for those wishing to dive deeper after listening to the VN. If you would like to explore moving beyond rigidity, towards an unboundaried self, I have devised these intra-relational exercises to support the start of this.
RH14 EXERCISE: EXPLORING THE BOUNDARIES OF SELF IF YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES
The exercise will have greater benefit for having listened to the VN. Choose ONE of the SOMATIC, JOURNALING or MEDITATIVE exercise to work with. If you have more time, consider doing the 30 MINUTES exercise or exploring another 10 MINUTE exercise. You will need a pen & paper (not screen typing), a space you will be uninterrupted in, a cushion or yoga mat. You know yourself better than anyone else, go as far as you feel comfortable.
Explore boundary edges: To identify areas of rigidity, bringing awareness to the limitations and constraints you might place on yourself, you can experiment with expressing yourself in new ways. Start by identifying a recent time when you noticed yourself relying on fixed perceptions of who you are or what you will do, question the rigidity of the expectations you had of yourself in that moment. Then consider the alternative expressions possible for you next time you are in that scenario. This could involve expressing your opinions more openly, or simply allowing yourself to be more spontaneous.
Reflect on past expressions of self: Think about choices and expressions from the past, even those that you might not make again. Reflect on which core values or present need that expression of you was aligned with. By recognizing the drivers behind your expressions of self, you can better understand and accept inconsistencies. This will develop your intra-relational awareness and an understanding that only by reducing self-judgment do we begin to make more space for self acceptance. Instead of disowning these past selves, we can understand them as part of our evolving journey.
Reflecting on beneficiaries: Consider who or what benefits from you framing yourself as a fixed, "authentic" self. Reflect on the mandates and expectations that you have internalized from external sources. Identify the "sticks" that encourage you to be more predictable, fixed, and rigid. The shift of your focus from finding a fixed "authentic self" to boundaries of self can be explored by considering the buffers you are rewarded for and asking yourself whether they promote in your body a rigid state or a dynamic state. This exercise encourages questioning the external pressures and systems that promote a rigid self-concept, prompting a move away from self-policing, while also allowing you to begin to grow your awareness of what non-supportive states feel like in your body.
Focus on expressive growth: Shift your focus from finding a fixed "authentic self" to embracing the ongoing process of growth and self-discovery. List the things you engage in that promote self-encounter, provide an opportunity to make mistakes, and to experience awe in discovering new boundaries of your self expressing. What are the things you are currently doing that expand your capacity for dynamic expression. What could be added to this list to support you in experiencing yourself as the evolving expression that you are.
RH14 EXERCISE: EXPLORING THE BOUNDARIES OF SELF IF YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES
The exercise will have greater benefit for having listened to the VN and is designed to be done in the sequence indicated. If you have limited time, consider doing a 10 MINUTES exercise. You will need a pen & paper (not screen typing), a space you will be uninterrupted in, a cushion or yoga mat. You know yourself better than anyone else, go as far as you feel comfortable.
- Set a timer for 5min. Begin to list the buffers you would use to describe your ‘authentic self’. Keep your hands moving until timer sounds.
- For each buffer listed, write what that particular attribution closes off, in as far as alternative possible expression of self. i.e Dependable might erase Spontaneous.
- Consider areas where you might be clinging to a fixed persona or external pressure to conform to a particular image of an "authentic self".
- To take this further, you can take this from journaling into the body. In a seated position or lying down, begin in a neutral state using breath to discharge, then bring each buffer to mind. What imprints upon your body?Does it introduce release or perhaps contraction in the body. Pay bodily attention to each buffer in turn, observing where there might be excess or lack of sensation experienced.
- And if you want to go even further, you can take this into a short meditation asking of each buffer how it might be newly expressed absent of guilt or shame attachment.
For those that find benefit in working with intentions, I hope the intention for RH14 assists you in your practice.
RH14 INTENTION
I worship not at the altar of an authentic myth,
but a Being fit to grow into, an evolving complexity.
Being an evolving complexity, a self I can grow with
keeps me too busy to worship at the altar of a myth.
What are your thoughts about the authentic self? I would love to read your comments on this.
This is #positiveintrarelationality.
My radical heart turned towards your radical heart.
